My Talk in Church August 28, 2009

In my church, there is no paid clergy, though we do have people who are chosen (kind of like voted in, but not exactly) to run things for periods of time. One Sunday a month, it's basically like an open mike and anyone can come up and say what's in their heart. For the rest of the Sundays, the leaders ask people in advance to give a talk, usually about 10-20 minutes in length. Most of the time, they are given a specific topic, but in my case, I wasn't give one. (Well, he asked me to speak about a month in advance and then called me on Thursday to tell me the topic--"Too late," I told him...I had already written it!)

I had been dealing with some fears in other areas of my life, so the topic was on my mind, and I decided that's what I would talk about in church (i.e. if you really had faith, you would have no fear).

I had ALSO been kicking around shaving my head, but of course had been afraid to do it.

Anyway, it occurred to me that if I DIDN'T shave my head before my talk, I would be a hypocrite standing up there at the pulpit.

For those who are interested, here is a copy of what I said in church:

Ever since I was a teenager, I have wanted to shave my head—not for attention, not to make a statement, not to prove a point—but just because I always dreamt of experiencing for a moment the freedom of not having any hair.

When I was young, I wished I was of African descent, so that I could be part of a culture where it was more acceptable.

For years I hoped it would come into style so that I could just follow everyone else's lead. I hoped that I could be cast in a play that required me to do it.

I will even admit to making plans to go away to a Caribbean island for a few months so that when I came back, no one would know what had happened.

I made up all these “scenarios,” because I did not have the courage to make my dream a reality just because I wanted to. That is, until last Thursday. For a variety of personal reasons, finally at 41 years old, the time was right, and yet, as I sat in the chair, my heart was pounding. And next to the herculean effort required to stand here today with a naked head, it was probably the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. But why? What exactly have I been afraid of all these years?

Several comments on my Facebook page have mentioned how “brave” I am. And yet, I have done nothing to put my life at risk. I have not faced enemy fire for the cause of freedom. I have not protected my family from an armed intruder. It was not even physically painful or illegal. It was, however, and continues to be an imaginary battle fought between my mind and itself—a battle where my mind's artillery is the possible or potential reaction of people around me, not their actual response.

Fear, as someone has pointed out, is simply False Evidence Appearing Real.

Last year, I had the opportunity to attend a mind blowing personal development conference in Rome, Italy. One of our instructors was Shawn Achor, a Harvard psychology professor, who taught us that much of what we believe about society is actually a figment of our imagination. To prove his point, he asked us to pair up during the lunch break and do something that would break a social taboo. My partner and I sat on the table to eat our lunch. Others did things like cut in line, take food from another person's plate, use the wrong restroom, and even start a food fight.

When we got back together after lunch, we shared our experiences, and more importantly the reactions of the people around us. What was fascinating about the experiment was that, short of a few strange glances from the wait staff, there was no reaction. No one was arrested. No one was physically harmed. No one was even asked to stop. So what exactly had we all been afraid of? What was this mysterious force that had been keeping us in line our whole lives?

The more I have pondered this question, the more I have come to realize that fear, this false evidence appearing real, controls the lives of every single one of us. There is not a person in this room who is not afraid of something—we are afraid of bearing testimony, afraid of sharing the gospel, afraid of quitting a job we hate, afraid of moving or staying, afraid of what the world is coming to, afraid of what our children might do or become, afraid of what our friends and family will think of us, afraid of growing old, afraid of experiencing pain, afraid of never marrying, afraid of leaving a bad marriage, afraid of admitting that we're not perfect, afraid that someone will find out.

These fears stop us from doing the right thing and making the right choice.

And yet, my brothers and sisters, THERE IS NO PLACE FOR FEAR IN THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST.

The Bible Dictionary tells us that “fear is spoken of as something unworthy of a child of God.”

In Deuteronomy 31: 6, the Lord counsels us to “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

And in D&C 6: 34, the Lord says, “Fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.”

And what is the rock? It is the rock of truth, of love, of testimony. As we read in the first epistle of John 4: 18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect clove casteth out fear.” After all, if we really believed, if we knew deep down that this was absolutely true, we would not be afraid of anything. We would be like King David, who wrote in Psalms 3: 6, “I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people, that have set themselves against me round about.”

We would be like Joseph Smith, who, despite actual—not just imagined—persecution wrote, “It was...a fact that I had beheld a vision...I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true; and while they were persecuting me, reviling me, and speaking all manner of evil against me falsely for so saying, I was led to say in my heart: Why persecute me for telling the truth? I have actually seen a vision; and who am I that I can withstand God, or why does the world think to make me deny what I have actually seen? For I had seen a vision; I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.” (JSH 1:25)

Last year I spoke in Stake Conference and shared a story that seemed to touch many people. I believe it bears repeating:

There once was a man who was walking along the side of a cliff, when a great wind swept him over the side.

Luckily, there was a small tree growing out of the side of the canyon, which he grabbed and was able to save himself from falling.

As he was holding on for dear life, he heard a voice that said, "Do you believe that I created the wind that swept you into this canyon?"

And the man said, "Yes, Lord, I believe."

And the voice said, "Do you believe that I created this tree that has saved your life?"

And the man said, "Yes, Lord, I believe."

And the voice said, "And do you believe that I could create a wind that would be so strong, it would pick you up and land you safely at the top of the ridge?"

And the man said, "Yes, Lord, I believe."

And the voice said, "Then let go."

Brothers and sisters, if we do not feel like we are falling every moment of our lives, then we are not truly living by faith.

I pray that we can all let go of our fears and embrace the reality that we are indeed children of God—created in His image and endowed with all His power. Able to overcome all that life throws at us—real or imagined.

I bear you my testimony that when we truly know and and understand this truth and when we walk in this faith, nothing can harm us and everything—every thing—is for our good.

In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.